Sometimes when I am lying in bed with my eyes shut and just about to fall asleep, I will see out of the darkness, on what appears to be inside my eyelid, a blurred white patch come into focus and then disappear. Whenever this happens, I wonder if this is the light that we hear people speak of when they have a near-death experience.
I wonder if I focus hard enough on the patch of light, if it will turn into the tunnel or conduit that will lead me to God.
I wonder during the fleeting few seconds when the patch is getting bigger and brighter, and if I stay focused on the patch and continue to watch, it grows so big that without even realizing it, I am inside of it, just innocently focusing on following the light, not knowing where it will lead.
I wonder if I stay focused, will I find my brain? Or, on this journey through the light will I see my loved ones who have passed? I wonder, will I see God?
But then, right then, the patch disappears. It dissolves into black. The darkness is there once again. And then, it starts all over: a white speck, lots of white specks coming together to form an imperfect ball.
My mind starts wondering all over again.
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